4. The Case of the Missing Toilet

Not to beat around the bush, but the seller was just awful!

Photo: Our emptied bathroom, the evening we closed on the house.

18 October 2021

Our realtor friends are aghast at the story I am about to tell. Despite the tribulations, it makes for good dinner table conversation. It all stems from the relatively easy "beginning" we had in making an offer on the house. Our terms were simple: There would be a 15-day closing, and the seller immediately accepted our price without a counter. We had later asked for the beautiful antiques that adorned the house. Even then, the seller came back and said we could have most of them, except for a few select pieces they wished to have. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, until the night before we issued the down payment.

You see, the seller's daughter had power of attorney for her mother, the home owner. We assumed that the mother was quite elderly and was not capable of transacting business. She was listed as having been born in the house, or in the village itself. Clearly, this home had been in the family quite a long time. Mind you, doing business from afar, we had never met them nor had any direct contact.

On the day of the down payment, we received a call from our attorney at five in the morning, US time. The daughter had insisted that a clause be removed from the paperwork. The clause, which said that "the seller is required to produce the documentation necessary to sell the house," is a global standard. Our lawyer advised us that in removing this clause, she could simply show up to the closing without an ID and technically walk away with our down payment. Legally!! Our attorney wisely refused to remove the clause, and likewise, the daughter did not show up to the signing.

We were all in a panic! After two months of waiting on the government to issue an age decree for the house, the seller was now creating problems that could potentially wreck the entire deal! After a little creative thinking, our attorney advised to go straight to the closing. This way, she wouldn't have to sign the clause that she didn't like. It seemed like a reasonable solution to us, but since we were scheduled to arrive in Portugal from the US on October 11th and spend the week at our new home, we insisted that we close on or before the 11th. It was October 1st at this point. But, the daughter had other ideas: She insisted on on the 13th, since she was "having surgery" on the 12th!?! It all didn't make much sense. After a bit of back and forth, we finally agreed to a closing on October 11th, and subsequently held our breath for 10 more days.

We landed in Lisbon at 8 o'clock in the morning on the 11th, and drove straight to our attorney's office. From there, we proceeded to the Notary's office (which, on a side note, was like being in an elaborate courtroom setting with the reading of the "scrolls" and overall formality). Our appointment was at 11, but the three of us begged the question -- would SHE show up?! 11 came and went. We were sitting in the lobby still holding our breath. 11:15 came and went. Then 11:30. Finally, at 11:35 she walked in. She wasn't at all what we imagined: she might have been--at most--35 years old. Pretty. Tall. Thin. She was busy on her phone. She brought a friend.

She marched straight into the room without so much as a "hello" or "I'm sorry I'm late," in either language. Then, we sat at the table across from her, and not once, the entire time, did she make eye contact or even look at us! She signed her name on the contract. She shook the cashier's check we gave her, questioning if it were "fake." Then smugly, she tossed a handful of keys at us from across the table. "CLING, CLANG," they echoed on the table. And she and her friend got up and left the room. They didn't say "thank you" or "goodbye." And that was that. What a total @#%& we thought! Who knew why she had acted this way? After all, it was the first and only time we had met her. Everything else had been relatively smooth.

My husband had the good sense to ask our attorney about having a home inspection before the keys and check were exchanged. It was a good thought, but honestly too late. We were told that most foreign acquisitions like this are done without the buyers even present. And, given that the house was about four hours away, we would just have to accept the keys on good faith. And so, we left Lisbon and quickly drove north to Caminha.

Mind you, we had been on a transatlantic flight the night before, dealing with a very uncomfortable closing that morning, and were now traversing Portugal for the afternoon. We were tired, but not tired enough to get to the house and see our new home!

Emptiness

It was sunset when we arrived at the house. Dusk had set upon us, and the last of the daylight had slipped behind the ocean.

When we walked inside our new home, it was completely empty! NONE of the furniture promised remained inside. Instead, Post-It notes were scattered about the floor, inscribed with "todas as coisas," the Portuguese equivalent of "take everything!!"

Not only was all of the furniture gone, but all of the lighting fixtures, the pendants, and the sconces had been clipped off of the walls and ceilings, removed entirely. But, what shocked us was yet to come: when we walked in the (only) bathroom, the sink, toilet, and beautiful antique claw-foot bathtub were gone! Their water pipes were crudely clipped, and left open. As soon as the water main was turned on, water pumped freely into the air and into the bathroom. (Luckily, the water main had been left closed!). Only the bidet remained.

In the kitchen, the stainless stove and oven were gone. A copper cistern that collected water from the roof had been cut from the walls, along with the copper piping that fed it. This woman had stripped the entire house clean, aside from the trash she hadn't bothered to remove. We were aghast. I called the attorney. I think he might have screamed a little louder than we had.

What had possessed her to do this?! Why would she think that the only toilet did not come with the purchase of the house?!

We have racked our heads with this question and only have a number of hypothetical scenarios to guess why. To this day, we remain baffled.

Even still, the house stood proud for us in our cloud of confusion. It was strong, beautiful, and honestly, exactly what we wanted, minus a few pieces of furniture and fittings. We could still see the potential of this place, and frankly, it was probably better off with her bad energy and her things removed from it.